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~SURVIVING~
CHAPTER ONE.
Elaine sat on a hard backed chair by the phone, the words, “hi there, can I speak to Colin”. Ringing in her ears and those few words seem to resound in her mind. The world had stopped, nothing moved, even the clock was silent, and the noise of child playing receded into the background until even that couldn’t be heard. It was seconds, or was it minutes? Before Elaine’s mind got past those words, the words that precluded the information the woman’s voice on the other end of the telephone gave her about her husband Colin, Colin, who was the father of her children, Sam who was five, Toni only a baby of twelve weeks. The man Elaine looked up to, the man that meant more to Elaine than life itself, the man that Elaine’s world began with and ended at, the man Elaine respected and trusted.
Trust!! Trust!! Over and over those words replaced the woman’s voice in her mind, I trusted him, and I believed in him, believed the words he spoke. How! can this be true, please god don’t let it be true, don’t let it be true. Why would the woman say that if it weren’t true? Why would she say those things, those things that had shattered her world completely?
Only this very morning the sun shone a bright beam of light, shining on the dark head of her son playing with his truck, passing over the carry cot that held her much wanted daughter and lighting up the picture on the shelf of her and Colin. In the picture Elaine was a petite blonde of eighteen, smiling happily, in her white wedding gown. Colin a man of twenty five, standing beside her, tall and handsome, was looking proudly down on her. That beam of sunlight shone on everything she held dear to her in this world and she had thought now at twenty five, I have everything, everything I have ever wanted. If I never get anything more out of this life except what I have at this moment I will be a happy woman.
Had someone being playing a cruel trick on her? Letting her think that! Then a couple of hours later shatter her world? That is what has just happened; my world has been shattered by a woman’s voice from the other end of the telephone, a woman she had never heard of and didn’t even know.
Elaine’s mind moved slowly tentatively on and she remembered saying, “No, not at the moment, can I give him a message?”
Can I give him a message! Had she really offered to do that? Elaine heard the laugh a strange high pitched laugh, with shock she realised it was her that was making this high pitched strangled sound, her hands moved to her mouth to make herself stop, pressing her hand hard on her mouth. Ironic she had offered to give a message to Colin. To her Colin! Tears ran slowly done her cheeks as her mind finally went to the dreaded words spoken by the woman, “yes please, could you tell him Susan has been held up and I will be late meeting him tonight.”
Elaine’s mind jumped, the memory of her next words coming in a rush, “Susan, Susan who?”
“Oh sorry, I though he would have mention me, I m his girlfriend, we have been seeing each other for about 4 months.”
Girlfriend! Four months! Elaine’s mind repeated over and over, the woman’s voice no longer heard. Colin the man she trusted, the man she would have given her life for. Had a girlfriend for four months! The information had finally sunk in, her mind slowly accepting the fact. This woman had really said she had been Colin’s girlfriend for four months! Breaking her world in to fragments, making her catch her breath and bend over in physical pain, one arm hugging her body, her other hand clasped over her mouth to stop the noise of the sobs that shook her body from head to toe from being heard.
Finally she looked down, expecting to see the phone still in her hands, but it wasn’t there, and it was on the floor making a high pitched noise, Elaine then realised she hadn’t switched it off. She looked round in a daze still reeling with the shock, surprised to see everything was the same. Some how she hadn’t expected this, she wasn’t the same and expected her small dining room to have changed with her, but it hadn’t and with absolute certainty realised she would never be the same again.
She slowly rose out of the chair putting her hand out to steady herself, she felt confused, empty, drained of every last drop of energy. What was going too happened to her and the kids, what was she going to do? Realisation dawned she was going to have to find the answer to that one quick, before that, that!!!!!!!! She couldn’t bring herself to say that woman’s name, before she told Colin that she had rung her.
Think! Think! What am I going to do?? She looked around the room wildly as if the room itself would give her the answers she desperately sought. I need to calm down; I need to be able to think clearly. Oh! What I am going to do! A cry of anguish escaped from her lips, she clamped her hand hard over her mouth to muffle the sound. I mustn’t cry again, I mustn’t!
Think! Please god let me think what to do!
Suddenly the dining room door burst open and Sam tumbled in, his chubby face and legs showing at five he was still not much more than a baby himself, shouting “Mum, Mummy the baby’s crying, and the cartoons have finished.”
Elaine kneeled down and pulled the wriggling Sam towards her, cuddling him tight, burying her head in his neck, feeling her son in her arms brought fresh tears down her cheeks, what’s going too happened to him? This little boy who depended on them to keep him safe from harm, Elaine would have clung to her son for longer, but Sam had over ideas.
“Mum the baby is crying” he said as he wriggled harder and escaped from her arms and turned to run through the door into the hall.
Elaine made a concrete effort to push the phone call and all thoughts relating to it out of her mind to concentrate on what her small son was saying.
She quickly glanced up at the clock on the wall before following him, she was half way through the door before she realised the clock had said
She walked quickly after her son to attend to her daughter.
Elaine could see Toni’s little fists waving about, legs kicking in her carry cot demanding attention. She picked the crying baby up, put her over her shoulder and she immediately snuggled into her neck, cuddling in as close to her mother as she could, this baby wouldn’t wriggle away from her like Sam did. Patting Toni’s back to sooth her, the baby soon stopped crying.
Elaine swayed from side to side to comfort her baby daughter. Why, why has he done this, put everything at jeopardy? She searched for the answer to the question, it was Colin that had wanted this child, and she Elaine was the one that thought Sam was enough. It was only when she saw how lonely Sam looked playing on his own and remembering her own childhood, filled with memories of brothers and sisters that she finally agreed to try for another baby. It was Colin who was disappointed month after month when she failed to get pregnant; it was Colin who persuaded her to go to see if there was anything wrong and went along for tests when they didn’t find anything wrong with her. In fact there was nothing wrong with neither of them it was just one of those things.
Finally after two years of trying her finally found out she was pregnant, Colin was ecstatic and when the scan revealed she was carrying a girl it was Colin who said his life was complete. “One for me and one for you,” he had said, picking her up and twirling her round kissing her soundly before putting her down. Well he was certainly right there, Sam thought the world of his Dad and this one always snuggled in to her.
Four months that woman had said Toni was only three months old; he had started to see her in her last month of her pregnancy, carrying his baby. She felt her stomach tighten as this fact caused her more pain, she turned her face into the babies head on her shoulder, trying to stem the tears that kept coming unbidden to her eyes.
Stop, stop she said to herself, I can’t let Sam know that anything is wrong until I have figured out what to do. Giving herself a mental shake, she sat down, changed the babies nappy, forcing a smile at her as Toni’s big blue eyes looked into hers, then when the baby smiled back her smile turned into a genuine smile of love and delight at this little person on her knee, for a brief moment forgetting the hurt that her husbands betrayal had caused her.
Toni was as different from Sam as a brother and sister could imaginably be, Toni was as blonde, as Sam was dark. Toni had long arms and legs with a slender body, her legs dangled when you had hold of her; Sam was stocky and well proportioned, with chubby arms and legs, Sam had dark brown eyes like Colin and Toni had Blue eyes like Elaine. Both were bright as a couple of buttons, even at three months old Toni had the look of being in this world before and quickly learnt how to get attention and there wasn’t much that Sam didn’t notice.
As if Sam had read the thoughts going through her mind he looked up from his crayoning book which he was colouring whilst sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room and asked, “why are you sad mummy, what’s wrong.”
“Me sad never! I was just thinking what beautiful children I have and how lucky I am to have you.”
Sam screwed up his face, looked straight into her eyes, lifting his little chin up and putting his head to one side, a look of disbelief in his eyes. “I think you’re sad, but maybe tea will cheer you up.” Then he gave such a cheeky grin that in despite of everything Elaine laughed, Sam and his belly, honestly where would she be without him. She shook her head, stood up still with the baby on her arm looking at her forever hungry son, who at five though food was the answer to most things and headed for the kitchen to make his tea and the babies bottle.
By
Sam was choosing a story for her to read to him before he went to bed sitting on the floor in his pyjamas looking at the pictures on the cover of the books, he had only started school last September, Toni was born the following May, his reading skills were limited, but good for a child of his age. He would be going back into the second year of infants when School restarted after the summer break in about four weeks time. He looked so lovable with his face still shiny and his hair still damp from his bath, once again the hurt came over Elaine, and how he could do this, how? Sam’s sensed her looking at him, looked up and smiled, “when is Daddy going to ring?”
Elaine froze, panic setting in, how could she have forgotten. Colin always rang when he was away from home, which he was most of the time during the week. His job in IT took him all over the place visiting clients, assessing what their software needs were and advising them on the packages that would be most suitable for them. Colin rang twice every night, the first time to speak to Sam before he went to bed and later to speak to her once Sam was in bed and when the baby was settled. That would mean he would be ringing soon and she still didn’t know what she was going to do! She had been that busy seeing to the kids that she hadn’t had the chance to think.
The phone rang and before she could stop him Sam had jumped up, ran to the phone, picking it up she heard him saying “Hiya Daddy”. Her heart was going nineteen to the dozen, her legs were shaking and her breathing was short and shallow. For god sake pull you together she silently screamed at herself, this is Colin, you’ve known for years or had she? At this moment she didn’t feel as if she knew him at all. Her Colin wouldn’t have done this to her, but he had, he had.
What to do, what to do, her mind raced trying to fine the answer while Sam chatted happily to his father. Then out of the blue it came, the answer she was desperately seeking for. Do nothing, easy do nothing, act normal the chances are that woman wouldn’t have seen him yet, she said she was going to be late, so he wouldn’t know that she knew about his affair, act normal make some excuse why he shouldn’t ring her later on, say the baby was playing up all day, say that she was tired and was going to get some sleep while the baby was asleep. She knew Colin would accept this; it would give her the much needed time to think of what she should do.
As Sam finished chattering to his father he passed the phone to Elaine, I can do this, I can do this, Elaine said to herself as she put the phone to her ear. “Hi” she said into the mouth piece. “I can’t stop long, the baby has been crying on and off all day. I think she has colic”. Elaine marvelled at how normal her voice sounded as she glibly lied to the man on the other end of the phone and how easy it was to lie to him. She who had never lied to him in her life, well not about anything important anyway, only little lies that you tell to ensure someone didn’t worry about you, while they were away from home, saying she was fine when she had the flu, just little white lies like that.
Colin made sympathetic noises down the phone when he heard about the babies colic, then he informed her he hadn’t got to Stoke that night, he was stuck in Northampton, something about his client needing more information on the software package, told her he was staying at the same hotel as the night before, asked her if she still had the number so she could ring if she needed too and told her his room number. Elaine still had the number. Colin also told her that he wouldn’t be home till Saturday morning because of this delay, instead of Friday and that he was going to give his client in Stoke a miss so that he could drive to
“Ok Hun, hope my little angel doesn’t keep you awake all night, take care and don’t forget I love you, bye for now”.
“Bye.” She didn’t add “I love you too,” as she usually did. Elaine put the phone down, anger stirring inside of her, I love you indeed, love does he really know what that is. Her hands clench at her sides she could feel the anger welling up insides of her. Yes she would think long and hard when Sam had gone to bed. It was Thursday today, by the time Saturday came round she would know what to do. Oh yes Mr Colin Ward I will definitely know what to do. Turning away from the phone, she went over to Sam who had chosen a book, picked up her son and sat him on her knee and started to read him is bedtime story.
Colin put the phone down and stretched out on the hotel bed. God what a day! He though it would never end and when it did the deal still wasn’t signed. He cursed the delay; he was counting on his commission to whisk Elaine and the children away for holiday, before Sam had to go back to School... He mussed over the days events ticking things off in his mind, making certain he hadn’t forgotten anything and that tomorrows meeting would finally wrap up the deal.
Satisfied that he had done everything he could have done that day Colin’s mind turned to thoughts of home and surprising Elaine on Saturday by telling her that they could have a couple of weeks away in her favourite spot Port Merion. He knew White Horse Cottage was vacant, for a week, overlooking the beach that stretched for miles and miles, Sam would love it making sandcastles and it was Elaine’s favourite spot. It was only 60 miles away from their home in St Asaph not to far to travel with a new baby.
Colin got up and opened a can of well deserve beer, sat on the edge of the bed flicking through the channels on the TV, nothing on as usual. Some people envied Colin’s life of travel and hotels, the chance to see the country they would say. If they had ever done it, they would know it does get boring and lonely. Colin would rather be at home with Elaine and the children, keeping himself out of trouble he thought grimly.
An image of a tall woman with dark hair came into his mind, very sexy, curves in all the right places which she knew how to use to her advantage. Colin cursed the image and tried to banish it from his mind. This woman was trouble with a capital T and Colin knew it. He had lived to roué the day or night rather, when about four months ago he had stopped over in Stoke. He had gone to a club to pass the time away as usual there was nothing on TV and he was going stir crazy in hotel rooms, he longed to be home cuddled up to Elaine feeling their baby kicking away in her stomach.
He had finished early that Thursday and his meeting the next day, was not till 2pm so with time on his hands he had decided to go for a walk and have a quick drink in a pub. He wished he had found a pub that night, instead he wandered into a club, it was fairly quiet, not surprising for a week night, so he decided to stay put and buy a drink there. He ordered a larger and a whiskey chaser, what the hell, push the boat out. He remembered thinking about his wife and Sam; so far away from him at home and wishing he was there. He nursed his pint, looking at the bottom of the glass. He was that engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t feel the tap on his shoulder at first, but they tapped again until startled he turned around and saw the woman standing there.
At thirty two, Susan was confident and self assured. She knew men found her attractive, and courted their attention, but she had never been married, for some reason she couldn’t seem to hold on to a boyfriend and had been out with most of the regulars that frequented the club. Susan was definitely no angel. She had seen Colin walk in a face she had never seen before instantly aroused her interest, maybe he is the ‘one’ she though, he was certainly attractive, tall, dark with a good body, casually dressed in jeans with a black jacket and navy shirt underneath. Susan watched him walk to the bar, he didn’t turn round and look around the club, eyeing up the woman, like most men did, and he just leant against the bar and ordered his drink, his back towards the club. Nice bum too, Susan though admiringly.
Susan looked around the club to see if anyone else was taking an interest in the man at the bar, there were a couple of woman standing by a table near the dance floor chatting. Susan had seen these two before, they came into the club quite often, quite a few of the regulars gave them attention, but all they seem to do was have a laugh and enjoy the dancing, she had never seen them go home with anyone, no threat there Susan decided.
There was a table full of woman over in the far corner, but these were a lot older than Susan and the man at the bar, Susan’s glance went over them without even hesitating to analyse on whether or not they were a threat to her gaining the attention of the man at the bar. All in all a very quiet night in the club, it hadn’t really got going yet as it was only
The Hotsy was only a small club in the centre of Stoke, catering for a mixed age range, dimly lit, with two long bars running either side of its width and a small dance floor, covering about a third of the length of the club, surrounded by a combination of low small round beech topped tables with chairs and narrow above waist high black boxes, which people stood next to and were able to put their drinks on the top, with the DJ in a box in the corner and a couple of bouncers walking round in their black suits and white shirts. There wasn’t really any need for the bouncers as there was never any trouble but it was a legal requirement which the club had to comply with. It was always quiet on a Thursday night, livening up on a Friday and Saturday. It had its fair share of regulars which Susan was one. She usually came in on a Thursday and Saturday and usually unaccompanied, she didn’t seem to have many female friends, but the men were always around her, like bees around a honey pot and it wasn’t often that Susan went home alone.
Susan looked back at the man at the bar; he was knocking back a chaser then took a long swallow of the amber liquid in his glass. She bidden her time, waited till the man had drunk most of his pint, sipping her vodka and coke, which she had brought earlier, making the quarter of a glass last until the man had nearly finished his pint. The man was looking into his glass, probably making his mind up whether or not to buy another, drink its time thought Susan standing up, glancing in the mirror wall on the opposite side of the club to ensure that her hair didn’t need attention and to reassure herself, she was indeed the only available sexy woman in the club tonight. Taking a cigarette out of the packet on the table and putting her lighter in her bag, she walked slowly over to the man at the bar and tapped him on his shoulder. It took the second tap and an excuse me before the man turned around.
Colin looked questioningly at the woman in front of him. “Excuse me have you got a light by any chance?”
Colin shook his head, “Sorry I don’t smoke.”
Bugger though Susan, “oh well, could you ask the bar man for me please, I feel uncomfortable asking him, not used to coming into clubs on my own, but a friend I was supposed to meet hasn’t turned up”. Susan lied.
Colin obligingly turned toward the bar with a slight nod in Susan’s direction and raised his hand to attract the attention of the bar man.
“Thanks”, said Susan, “Have you been here before?”
No, I am here on business staying in a hotel up the road. I was bored and decided to come out for a walk and a quick pint, ended up here.”
Must be lonely by yourself, I think I would be bored too, just as well for me you did come in, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting over there trying to pluck up courage to come to the bar and ask for a light. Susan put on her brightest smile for Colin’s benefit and introduced herself. She held her hand out towards Colin.
The barman had at last finished serving and had come over towards Colin with a friendly “ what can I get you, another larger?” he asked remembering Colin’s previous order.
Without thinking Colin said yes to the pint and requested a light for the ladies cigarette, then feeling a bit awkward and worrying that not to offer a drink would seem ill-mannered he turned to Susan again and asked if she would like a drink, which of course Susan accepted.
Drink in hand and smoking her cigarette Susan stood chatting to Colin. After the second pint Colin had noticed Susan’s curves, trying not to look at the v of the low cut top she was wearing which showed the mounds of the breasts. She was different from Elaine, but still sexy none the less, a bit of a tart as well Colin suspected, and he wasn’t as innocent as Susan took him for. He was well aware she was chatting him up; flattered too, it was nice to know he still had it and this was more entertaining than sitting in an empty hotel room, after all they were only chatting what harm it can do.
Famous last words though Colin, how stupid he had been that night. One drink led to another and before he knew it the club was closing and he was worse for the wear to put it mildly. He vaguely remembered Susan talking about getting a taxi and if she could ring for a taxi at his hotel, which of course stupidly he agreed too.
The next morning Colin woke to find Susan sleeping next to him, both of them completely naked. Colin had never got out of bed so quick in all his life; he practically ran to the bathroom, shut the door and leant heavily against it, head pounding after having too much to drink the night before. He could see the Panic on his face in the small mirror over the sink which faced the door. What have I done, what the hell have I done? What have I gotten myself into and more important how am I going to get out of it. He knew he had to get rid of the woman quick!! Not only out of his bed and hotel room, but out of his life. If Elaine found out about this that would be the end, she would be mortified and rightly so. Elaine trusted him and he trusted Elaine that was why he was able to do this job with peace of mind, he knew Elaine would always be at home waiting for him.
Colin smiled to himself, sitting on his bed as he remembered the almost comical rush to get Susan out of that hotel room, as if he though Elaine could see straight into the room and see her in his bed, it took him an whole hour, with excuses that he would be late for a meeting before he finally got rid of her, even then, she insisted on writing her number on the hotel’s courtesy paper, which Colin had ripped up and put into the bin as soon as she left.
But with a sigh, he acknowledged that it hadn’t been so easy to get Susan out of his life. He wished it had been, wished that had been the end of it, a one night stand, his one mistake. He had never been unfaithful to Elaine before, but that wasn’t the end of Susan, Susan had made sure of that and guiltily Colin realised that most of the time he had been a willing participant. Even after avoiding Elaine’s eyes when he got home that whole weekend, thinking somehow she would be able to read the betrayal in his eyes, but of course she hadn’t and a small part of him almost wished she had, and then the affair wouldn’t have carried on.
He loved Elaine with all his heart, he loved his children; he didn’t want to loose Elaine, he didn’t want Sam and Toni to grow up with a part time farther like he had done. It was just as well he couldn’t make it to Stoke this week and he had been trying to avoid staying in Stoke for the last three months, but more often than not he had ended up staying in Stoke because of the way his work was scheduled. Colin got up off the bed, grimacing with disgust at his own weakness and went into the bathroom for a shower.
After a shower and a meal downstairs in the hotel dinning room, Colin wandered to the small bar for a quick pint before attacking some paper work and turning in for bed, he had learn his lesson, no more going into clubs for him, one mistress was enough, in fact it was one too many!
After that initial night together Colin seemed to be sent to Stoke more and more often, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t avoid it, he still ended up there and because the firm booked the hotel it was always the same one he stayed at. Easily found, too easy he though grimly. Hell who was he trying to kid, if he had really wanted to he could have put his foot down, he had given up trying to analyze why he hadn’t, because it was easier not to he supposed. Colin had always tried to avoid confrontation, tried to take the easy way out It was easier after the first few failed attempts by Susan to entice him out of the hotel back into the club where he had met her to say, ‘yes ok he would go!’ On the third time she accidentally on purpose managed to bump into him in the reception area of his hotel and tried to wheedle him into going, she had just worn him down, plain and simple. She was persistent if nothing else, he had to say that for her.
That time he had been determined nothing untoward would go on, but she had literally thrown herself at him , handed it to him on a plate, she had flirted outrageously and he was a man after all far away from home, apart for the slip up with Susan he had never been unfaithful to Elaine never! And in all the years he had known Elaine he never thought he would have been.
It must have been about 8 years ago when he met Elaine, he had literally bumped into her, a petite blonde who at 17 years old was rushing round a corner and bumped in to him with a bang so hard it knocked her off her feet. Colin was full of apologies convinced it must have been his fault not looking or thinking where he was going, his mind elsewhere as usual. It wasn’t until much later he learnt that Elaine always rushed, she never did anything at a sedate pace, always ran around as if there was no tomorrow and it wasn’t surprising that she bumped into him at the speed she always walked, but back then he didn’t know. When he had helped Elaine pick up the shopping she was getting for her mother and once the packages were safely back in their carrier bag, Colin looked down into the most liquid blue eyes he had ever seen, it was as if he could fall into them, they seemed that deep He was sure he held his breath, but if he did Elaine didn’t seem to notice, he knew there and then he wanted to know this whirling dervish more, much, much more.
Colin smiled as he nursed his pint, he had managed to persuade Elaine to go for a drink as an apology for knocking her over, him knock her over, the way she came rushing round that corner she could have knocked over a whole battalion of grenadier guards, but it worked she said yes and the following year was the happiest Colin had ever known and he married her a year later, knowing full well he would never love anyone like he loved Elaine.
So what the hell was he doing with Susan, god he must be mad!!! Colin practically banged his pint glass on the bar startling the bar man who hurried over to enquire if he wanted another. He was that angry with himself. Why on earth did he feel flattered by Susan’s attention that night, so much so once again they ended up in bed together! God knows, after that it seemed easy to go along with whatever Susan suggested, what the hell other men get away with a fling why couldn’t he. He knew why he couldn’t; it was getting him down, he felt dragged down by the weight of it. All the deceit, pretending all was great with the world when he knew it wasn’t. To top it all Susan was talking about setting up house together, setting up house I ask you, how on earth he can do that, a married man!! Susan knew he had been more honest with Susan, more than he had been with his own wife. She knew he was married, knew he had kids, he had even told her he loved Elaine. She had just laughed at him, ‘what are you doing here then boyo, with little old me!!’ Why are you cheating on the poor cow?
Why indeed, though Colin as he looked into the bottom of another empty glass, he was even drinking too much, usually he would have a pint after work if it had been a hard day just to relax so the he could wind down and be ready for bed, but more often than not it would be three or four pints a night now. He had to get rid of Susan, tell her all of this nonsense would have to stop, setting up house indeed. Colin got up place the glass deliberately on the bar, turn on his heel and marched quickly across the small lounge area and out of the door, leaving the bemused bar man to wonder what sort of day that customer had had to look so annoyed one minute and depressed the next.
Colin went straight to his room threw his cloths on the chair and climbed into bed, exhausted after a fraught day and trying to figure out unsuccessfully what to do to get himself out of the situation he found himself.
